Jam's Blog

Thoughts, Musings, and Creative Stuffs of a JamFish

So this week, I went to one of my favorite shops in the Twin Cities as an Artist’s Date: Ax-Man Surplus. This store literally has all the little gadgets and doodads one would need. I was there to pick up other things in prep for a trip as well, but my main goal was to feed my whimsy. See, whimsy is what powers my inner creative, which was the focus of this week.

The goal was three objects that spoke to me, but both involved my artistic creative side, then my technical creative side. Ax-Man is great for this because they have supplies for both, and on the cheap. I ended up with a good haul of creative things: Stickers, a Pack of Colored Permanent Sharpie knockoffs, and three small circuit boards I’m hoping to turn into jewelry.

I think all three of those things lend themselves to whimsy, as well as power. The stickers are full of empowering messages that I’ll need as I finish this journey. The sharpies are for bringing to light colorful ideas and art. And the circuit boards are also an empowering reminder that I can wear tech as a creative outlet as well as I do the rest.

Which brings me to my last reveal: I’ve been writing a lot on tech this week and my feelings on it, both doing dives into AI: One looking building a machine for locally hosted AI; and then a more fiery essay on why capitalism is ruining AI and technology as we know it. I hope you enjoy them both, and I’ll see you next week.

Earlier this week, I was sitting in the opening Keynotes of Open Source Summit North America here in Minneapolis, and there's an anger that’s stirring up inside of me. I sat down to a keynote about how AI is changing our world, making cybersecurity important because people can find vulnerabilities quicker to attack. But don’t worry, the top companies in the world have the resources and tech to fix this problem! Then, the 2nd keynote talks about Google’s latest development: a new agentic commerce protocol, Universal Commerce Protocol. AI is the future of buying power, it’s no longer click-to-buy!

Meanwhile, I look on Linkedin and there’s a post of a woman around my age, married, who’s been out of work for over a year post-layoffs. She now has to move back to her parents because she hasn’t been able to find a job since being laid off and they can’t handle their rent on just their husband’s salary. That the husband may lose his job potentially due to the move and it may also lead their toddler to be without insurance.

This juxtaposition is something that is honestly pisses me off about the tech industry right now.

Talking with a non-tech friend earlier this week, I stated this: “My general sense of tech right now..is that tech is now being used for profit instead of a balance of that and progress. Tech is showing the real impacts of late stage capitalism and its extractive nature.” I have no beef with the use of AI as a technology. It’s an evolution of the machine learning tech that’s been here for decades. What I do have an issue with is the extractive nature with which it is being used, on all fronts. From ecological, to economic, to human impact. All of this is being sacrificed for profit, and AI is being used as the easy excuse as to why.

And it has resulted in disastrous results. Layoffs in the thousands have happened and people have been out of work for years or more, constantly applying for jobs. This includes the biggest companies in the tech sector. U.S. unemployment systems are also ill-equipped to support white-collar workers in finding new positions with their sometimes 20+ years of experience in technology. I know this from personal experience in 2024. It was demoralizing, especially as a black person, to set up my resume in the the state-sponsored job search app and find zero jobs. Because these portals are geared towards trade and service-based work. Meanwhile tech companies are overwhelmed with applications for one position. I’ve been on calls with recruiters this year who at this point I can tell are starting to show burn out and very cog-like behavior as they search for the right fit among hundreds of applicants who make it past the AI or keyword screen.

At the same time, companies are force-feeding AI-usage demands to the workers that are left post their latest layoff round. These folk are running up AI tokens to show their productivity, with mixed results on success. All the while wondering if and when they’ll be in the next layoff round. And it’s all because these companies want to extract more productivity using less people because that means more profit and less cost. And there’s no time to really work on improving tooling or process, just as it was before. The keynote earlier mentioned that teams have the resources to improve things like cybersecurity with resources and AI. Will you be able to do that if you’re relying on half your staff, which is now starting to feel singed because they don’t have time to execute tooling while also managing the risk impacts and engineering recalibration that AI brings? All the while worrying that they’ll lose their paycheck, insurance, visas, and livelihoods if they don’t?

And don’t even get me started on how tech is getting worse due to it. Google Search is going full speed ahead into AI-chatbot experiences, meanwhile the current experience isn’t accurate. Google Maps I’ve stopped using because since December it doesn’t accurately route when driving live. This isn’t something I’ve experienced since Yahoo Maps in the early 2000s. And this is Google. That has the resources and time to ensure that the tech they release isn’t bad!

Now what is my point to all this? Honestly, I just want tech to be fucking better than this. Because at one point, it was, and in some ways still is. Though social media is a scourge, we can still use it for influencing people to organize and show power. One of my favorite political creators got an award for bringing attention to Black Media sources through their IG. Though things have gotten more algorithmic, we’re still finding ways to use technology that isn’t geared towards it, but are still useful to our lives. More of my kid’s generation is seeking MP3 players as opposed to streaming apps. There’s even more projects than ever that are trying to bring tech back to a place that respects people and our autonomy. Going back to social media that focused on keeping people safe instead of prioritizing people as a product. This is the stuff I want more of in our modern-day society.

However, capitalism, not AI, has made working towards that, along having a passion for it, infuriating and exhausting. I want to be able to find more opportunities and collective power for the tech worker so that we can move the industry back to people's progress, and not just progress for the sake of profit. But I don’t know of a way to move that needle. I just have hope and want to support the move. As there is so much power that we as a collective community have, but we do not know how to organize where/when we need to. Because at the end of the day the companies do not run technology. People do. And the sooner we get back to that and truly making tech progress for us, the better we’ll be.

So, I have another piece that’s coming soon about how in general I feel about capitalism and tech. This piece includes how AI is being used showing the worst aspects of both. As a technology person though, I have two things about AI usage that I navigate. One is my personal fascination about the potential of generative AI for coding assistance and tech automation (not for art, entertainment, or “reinventing the wheel” without checking the impact). Two, as a Black Tech engineer who specializes in information security, I unfortunately don’t have the privilege to not understand or limit my use of technology. Especially in the political and economic climate we’re in now. If I don’t at least know AI, it puts my career at risk. So with this lens, I’m trying to move forward with being as ethical in my usage as I possibly can. This brings me to prioritizing use of locally-hosted (or on-prem) Local Language Models (hereafter known as “LLMs”). Locally hosted LLMs are different from service-based or cloud/datacenter hosted AI like Claude, ChatGPT, or Gemini, to name a few.

For me, using local LLMs for code assistance and automation work feels less consumptive than using Cloud-Based AI, despite knowing that it’ll be less efficient overall. I have some privileges that even make this less consumptive, such as having solar-panels on my home to offset some of the electrical consumption from a machine (or so I hope, I’m not an expert on green energy, sadly). This also helps me cost wise as a consultant and researcher because not everyone can afford the $200 bucks a month (before you get into overages) for Claude.

I talk about all this, but, note that my title said starting the journey. Well, my journey begins as any great OG engineering story begins: I need a machine. Let’s go over the research I did to figure out what to prioritize in this build and then go for later (which might be surprising to some of the choices I made).

First, the reason for this build. While my Macbook Air does smaller models fine, working with the bigger models ran into issues just simply because I don’t have enough memory(and while VRAM and RAM are shared, 24GB just isn’t enough for 31B parameter models). And unfortunately my other Linux machine just would crap out at even a small model, which I should’ve known but it’s good to try things out in tech. This resulted in me searching for a machine build that:

1) I could upgrade over time as prices fluctuate
2) That gives me enough to run bigger 30B+ parameter models
3) Can fit on my desk.
4) Can use for other things outside of AI, like 3D modeling
5) 2k budget.

Number 1 obviously took out a lot more of the smaller boxes or Mac Machines due to the soldered-on parts. Point 3 and 4 also made things difficult, as you then have to make the decision on whether you want a ATX board and finding a case that fits on my desk, or going for M-ATX board that won’t be able to upgrade as much over time, or have much capacity to do so.

So, with this knowledge in mind, did some research on the internet, and here’s what I found:

So, working with this and other recommendations, I then decided what I’d like to support with all my dollars. My budget was 2k. Because I didn’t want to deal with porch pirates, wanted to support local businesses, and, I’m near a MicroCenter, decided to go with them. I was able to use their PC builder to spec out some things, but also kept my eye on deals. They recently had a deal where there was a mobo-cpu-ram combo that was 1100, with the newest AMD processor.

So, what I ended up with, though a TON of AI folks are gonna be like “Why Jam”, is this build:

  • Current Peices
    • CPU: AMD Ryzen 9 9950X3D2 Dual Edition Granite Edge AM5 4.30 16-Core
    • Mobo: MSI X870-P Pro Wifi AM5 ATX
    • RAM: Corsair Vengance RGB 32GB (2 Stick) DDR5-6000
    • HDD: 2TB SSD QLC NAND PCIe Gen4x4 NVMe M.2 2280 Internal SSD
    • GPU (Ooof, but I had it already): Yeston Low Profile RTX 3050 6GB

Though people stressed prioritizing GPU VRAM, as an OG computer person (and seeing how CPU is still important), I wanted to have a really strong PC foundation to work with, and the deal MicroCenter gave made me feel confident in that. I’m also kind of excited to see what I can pair with the 3050 to do some interesting things. My next goal is to see if I can get a server-based GPU like the Tesla P40 or V100 (which warning, requires extra cooling and specific cabling in order to not be fried on a desktop) and really see what I can work with not doing a card that just costs as much as this base build, but, we’ll see. I’ll keep you posted!

I’m trying to make a small goal of writing about my ventures into creativity and/or tech at least once a week, so welcome to week two of the Artist’s Way: Tech Edition.

This week focused on really finding my identity, as well as support for my craft. It’s also about identifying your blockers/non-supportive sources so you can work past them. For tech, it really led me to be introspective about what hasn't worked, and what I really wanted.

As I noted last week, I am a survivalist when it comes to tech right now. I’m also a person who loves to get into new and good problems. New adventures that I think will help me grow. However, I’ve realized after talking with people who actually want to support my career, that what I’ve chosen for my career in the past few years (while beneficial in some ways) took me further and further away from my passions. And the further I got away from my passions, the less motivated I was to do any sort of work. I couldn’t do new things because I was doing so much gluework. I feel like this scenario is so incredibly common for Black Femmes in tech especially. We’re always being pushed to caretaking and then never given space to do much else. And to move beyond that, especially in startupland, it usually means doing work outside of work hours, or job hopping. However, I gained a pattern that wasn't conducive to following my passions, because I hoped for potential that tech couldn’t deliver.

The pattern was that I kept going into leadership because I felt it was the only route for opportunities to make true, big security changes. I always hoped that I'd get the opportunity to really do true security engineering. But a lot of times that ended up not being the case.

Especially for startupland, security can be a very isolating function. You’re always having to prove your cost center is valuable, but also not rocking the boat. You always take IT under your wing because you understand it's value, the security threats from it are real, and no one else wants to take it on, to be honest. Then add in a dash of compliance (which really isn't a dash). I stopped learning, and was just managing; even as an IC with no reports. And when I finally did move away from leadership back to Security Engineering as an IC, I felt as if I was still on this isolating island. And this is even while being the best collaborator and person who loves engaging with engineering. Because at the end of the day, Security Engineering is a hard fight to get priority for unless you're in a high risk industry like finance, government or healthcare.

And while all this was happening, I was seeing the engineering and product teams move forward with cool, impactful sh*t. And I was jealous. I knew security was important to the bottom line, and I couldn’t do anything else beyond what was absolutely required because everyone just saw me as a security expert, and not an engineer.

I am a technical person, remember? I used to do technical work and still can.

This leads me to now switching focus back to where it belongs. I’m going to put my engineer hat back on. I want to work on projects that drive me, and are impactful to people in the way I want them to be. Security, though I'm de-prioritizing focus, will always be a part of my life as an engineer. Engineering, even now with the advent of AI, requires security. So, as I develop things, it’ll still show up in my consulting, my security focused research, and open source work. I’ll also still keep my hours up for my CISSP because someday I hope to be back in Security Engineering proper (with the software engineering credits that everyone and their momma requires now). For now though, I really want to prioritize remembering what being creative in code is like, and the art of a good yak shave.

Let's get back to blog writing again sans filter, shall we?

So last week, after years of feeling pretty stagnant in my motivation for my career, I decided to get back to what makes me motivated in not just my career, but life: My creativity. There's a book I'm using called “The Artist's Way” to help me do that (shoutout to Franchesca Ramsey for Bringing Up Doechii's journey with it on her Lemme Fix It Podcast, and also Doechii to be FRFR).

I started on some things early, but, week one is all about addressing your inner critic and instead affirming you creativity. And, WHEW, did I need it for the tech side of myself(maybe I'll talk about my non-tech creative life here, who knows).

See, in the beginning of my life with technology, I felt so incredibly curious and flexed my creativity when it came to tech. There was a sense of play with it, and that lead to discovery. In college and in my early career I spent evenings playing with servers and different Linux distros because it was fun for me and allowed me to learn freely.

Then came me actually dealing with the realities of the tech industry that's built on capitalistic intent. That's built on hiring the best and the brightest, but that meaning folks who don't care about systemic racism or its impacts. The gatekeeping of tech, and especially the infosec industry because if you don't know your shit, you're a scriptkiddie. And finally, because if you're anything but a white male, you will always have to prove whether you are technical enough. No exceptions.

Every experience I had in tech up until this point, I dealt with these realities internalized. I couldn't get past them. And then with more of the external world also reinforcing things, I just...stopped dreaming. Everything felt so far away. I just started to work on survival in this industry, instead of enjoying the ride fully. So when I started hitting walls, I didn't know how to get past them. It was all about protection, which in some ways were good for me (kept me from a LOT worse burnout). But it still didn't lead me to being unstuck.

Last week that came all tumbling down. I realized that I needed to make a change, or otherwise, I'd never really live the life 2020 me who last wrote here wanted for me. Where I wasn't just surviving, but thriving.

So this week, I'm trying to focus on getting back to me. And also this week, is focused on that in giving me more confidence and re-framing my narrative. One of the exercises is addressing some of the inner critics and negative internalization by giving affirmations. Here are some of the ones I came up with:

  • “My Blackness, queerness, and neurospicy is critical to the betterment of tech.”
  • “Code doesn't have to be perfect, just creative.”
  • “You passed two full interview cycles at Google.”
  • “Tests are not the marker of skill, experience is.”

Now, what that will result in this week, we'll see. But, I've been writing up a storm and I feel like the world needs to see more of my voice. And I'm excited to reflect on this new era of me.

So, a lot has happened since I last posted. I was supposed to do my sabbatical up, travel, and land solidly into my next great gig.

Only one of these things happened (at least at first).

The world already knows everything that happened, especially with respects to Minneapolis and how it caused a reverberative revolution around the world, bolstering the resulting election of Joe Biden as our next President, and Kamala Harris as our first Black, South Asian, and female Vice President.

But, to step away from that. Let's talk about job searching this time around instead.

To give background, I've been in the Tech game for over 15 years at this point. I have a B.S. and about 10 years of professional experience. So, I'm solidly in a turning point range of doing a lot with my career.

So in the beginning (around late March/April), I was hoping to jump into a advisory or consulting role. I'm not going to lie, those were offered and I applied to a couple places. But, upon looking or interviewing, I still felt like I didn't fit. In some firms, the red team dominance really turned me off. So I pivoted. I hope someday that changes, as I really want to flex and train so that I am a proper purple.

Around Late April to Early May, I decided to hit the ground running on applying to jobs and reach out to networks. I posted on twitter, reached out to friends, and pressed the “recruiters holla at me” on LinkedIn. The result was over 30+ applications, and over a dozen interviews.

While I'll get to the good interview points in a bit, and why I went with what I did, let's talk about what not to do in an interview process:

Bad Interview Vibes

State in your job posting, as well as with employees referring, whether you will take remote full-time.

This does not mean, full time with relocation. It literally bummed me out so much to waste a recruiter's time when they're very insistent on this. So even if you're accepting remote right now in a pandemic, let folks know if that will change once vaccines are out. Or, maybe see if your culture is ready for folks being flexible. We don't know how the pandemic will end up, especially in the U.S.

If a candidate has an emergency, be flexible. Don't brush them off.

I was in the middle of interviewing one company the week George Floyd was killed. I'm very, very, close to where he died, so of course that week. was. HARD. By Wednesday night there were fires in different parts of the city. I emailed my recruiter hoping that they would be up for working with me on a reschedule. Instead, they assumed that I was no longer interested and “wished the best for my community”.

Y'all. I'm going to say this once: DO NOT DO THIS, ESPECIALLY TO BLACK PEOPLE.

I was fortunate enough to have someone help talk to this company while I was overwhelmed and looking at burnt out buildings of former places I used to shop or go into. However, no candidate should have to explain when they have an emergency in the middle of the process. Recruiters should understand that, and try to work with the candidate as best as possible. This is especially important to do for Black candidates when faced with the trauma recovery of near daily brutality and oppression.

Stop giving pop quizzes. Let folks know what to expect in interviews.

I got this a few times, and it really bothered me. When candidates don't know what to expect, especially in a pandemic, there's heightened anxiety. There's already enough nervousness when going into interviews. But when you're talking with a potential manager who decides to drop a deep technical quiz halfway through your chat, it doesn't leave a good taste of what your job may be like...or, maybe it does because it's a helluva good red flag.

Good Interview Vibes

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about what I loved about the interviews I had with the last two companies, and that ultimately lead to my two job offers:

Let folks know what to expect in interviews, and make sure it aligns:

In both my of the last two companies I interviewed with, the hiring managers and companies ensured that I was setup for success. I wasn't blindsided with what I had to do, or talk about. It allowed me to show my best self, even if I was frustrated.

Interviewers were diverse and inclusive

I loved that these two companies again allowed me to interview with the overrepresented minorities. For one company, it felt like I barely talked with any white dudes. And that relieves a lot of pressure for me, and makes me feel more psychologically safe (we'll get to that more next). And when there weren't any exactly like myself at one company.....

Give reassurance that leadership and employees take psychological safety seriously.

For one of these companies, upon coming in I would be the only Black person. Despite me being in tech for so long, this has never happened in my career (maybe as a teenager). So for folks to treat that concern with care was really helpful. It also helped that despite them not having a Black person, they were diverse in other ways which gave me confidence they could make inclusion happen for me.

Allow asking of honest questions, and get honest answers from leadership

The fact that I could talk with C-levels/VPs/Directors as a part of my interview process and get honest, transparent answers provided me with a lot of trust, and to ask the reflective questions that really ensured I had the proper fit.

Ultimately, I ended up at Honeycomb because I wanted the opportunity to lead more. I let the other, wonderful interviewer of a company know why (because just as you get honest, transparent answers, you should give them back) so that they could use that feedback for future.

This leads me to now, where I'm holding down a job and slowly getting back into the tech world while balancing self-care and doing other things to stay sane(like pen turning...which is surprisingly therapeutic, though expensive).

For public stuff, I am hosting LastWeekinAWS this week (Hi if that brought you here). I'm hoping to also start updating this blog more regularly (once or twice a month, just so I don't burn myself out). That being said, I want to say that I'm glad you're here, and keeping up.

Stay safe out there, and I'll catch you next post.

So, I’m leaving Splice effective today. And, after 15 years in the industry, I’m taking a break thanks to luck, privilege, and timing.

Why I am taking a Break?

To be frank, I need one. I’ve been grinding for so long in this industry. While a lot of has been successful, I’m also getting jaded and disenchanted. I don’t want to be jaded about my career, or this industry (even though some of my jaded-ness is valid). Bringing that into a future job, even if I throw my full weight and optimism behind the company, with it working out well, would likely see me leaving this industry entirely. So, I need to step back for the good of everybody.

Additionally, I have the luck and privilege of having enough money to take a few months off. I have the savings now where I can take that break. I also live in a city and state that doesn’t have a high cost of living and has an insurance marketplace with reasonable coverage. I recognize that this privilege isn’t something a lot of folks, especially those who look like me have. I’m not taking that lightly.

This is all the more reason why this break is needed. My one staying point of being in this industry is to show others like me that they can survive and thrive here.

What’s next?

Just because I’m on break doesn’t mean I’m going to be stagnant. I’m going to be focusing on non-tech stuff, and on me, for the next month. I’m using this time to focus on hobbies, and checking in on my health to keep it up to snuff to weather future stresses. I also plan to travel. You can keep an eye on my social media and this blog for updates on the hobby/travel part.

After that, I’m slowly going to look at what are my next potential moves, including talking with a coach and colleagues in the industry. If you want to be one of those folks, hit me up. I also want to put it out there that I would love to talk with Venture Capital funds to see if they have any companies that need a security consultant or a seasoned helping hand for their businesses. I’m a tried and true leader in the Tech and Security spaces, and passionate about giving companies (including non-tech companies going digital) the boost they need.

Written December 31st, 10:49 MT

I'm looking back over the decade (and change!) since I graduated from college. And while I am a completely different person than I was at 22, I feel like I'm coming circle of where I wanted to be back then, and also how I felt back then too.

Back then, I was really trying to figure out what my path in Tech was going to be. I was lucky enough to get a head start by having had an internship at Google, which at the time was one of the coolest places (and a reason I was able to find jobs in a recession year that made graduates synonymous with unemployed). I had a Security degree, which at the time wasn't a massive degree given out by major schools. Social media was still finding its foothold beyond my generation, so, I also didn't have the connections that I did. There was this level of excitement, and also fear, because, growing up poor, I knew I had to make it or I'd fall to the wayside.

10 years later, you could say that I did, as a combination of luck and hard work. I'm currently a security operations engineer who has run the gamut of jobs and has done the rounds in Silicon Valley. I've seen the worst downtimes and the highest highs from software releases and new things done by companies I had a part in. I've presented what Security should be on an infrastructure level and how if you collaborate, Security can get done. I've become more aware also of the struggles of being a queer (including non-binary) black engineer trying to thrive in an industry that honestly either doesn't want us to, or frankly doesn't care to learn how. And I've fought back against that by advocating when needed (and having the space to), and mentoring those so that they don't get stuck.

And, 10 years later, despite doing all this and more, I'm back to where I began. Just as I was back in December of 2009, gainfully employed and working my butt off, I'm wondering what is next.

To that end, I'm making this blog to document that, as well as other things I've been meaning to express on the interwebs. Note, that it may not all be tech based because if anything, I want folks to learn that tech is not just a one-dimensional or homogenous place. Hopefully, that will help it change as much it'll help me make the right next steps.

About Me

Hi, I'm Jam. I'm a seasoned security engineer who's currently consulting and looking for the next adventure, but, if you don't trust me, check my LinkedIn.